December 14, 2011

I don't want to leap. I would rather not know if the fire is hot. There are many things I do, knowing there will be a consequence. If I touch the fire with my hand, I will get hurt. I want to avoid any flammable objects. I am comfortable right where I am. If I leap, I don't know where I will land. On the concrete ground with brokenness throughout my entire body. Or into the safety of someone's arms. 

What if they don't want to catch me? What if they are the flammable object? What if I finally allow myself to leap? Touch the fire. And I get hurt, again. I am safe, exactly where I am. Safe from the fire, the concrete ground, and the overwhelming fear of being rejected.  I don't know if I can do it. I just don't know if I have it in me.